by Jan Goodey
He's wined and dined his way to
the bedrooms of the rich and famous. Well okay maybe he's
slithered and crawled up to the door of a few, but Lenny Beige
the seventies sequined star is still a huge force to be reckoned
with. Or so he tells me...
How long have you been in the
game?
The year 2000 is officially my 31st year in showbiz.
Has it been easy?
We all have our own inherent gifts - Titchmarsh can dig mud, the
mice from the mouse organ can mend things and I can sing, dance,
tell gags, write songs, play musical instruments. Without these
talents I would be Peter Andre.
Other jobs you've done?
I once had to clean Frankie Vaughan's shoes every week, oooh and
I used to boil poultry giblets for my mother's business.
Are you sexist?
God no - I love women - as often as possible. If you want my
real opinion - I am scared shitless of women - ever since my
wife (BITCH SLAG WHORE) left me stripped of cash and trousers.
How would you describe Night
Fever?
Well let's just say it's an interesting melting pot of talent.
On one show you can work with Nile Rogers, Chas 'n' Dave and
someone from Heartbeat - it's bizarre, but strangely rewarding.
The Sun says you are the best
night out ever - how much did you pay them?
Are you being funny? Let me tell you that my show is one of the
best nights out ever - there's a bit of everything in there -
tragedy, farce and stinky wigs.
How would you like to be
remembered?
As a wig-wearing light-entertainment leviathan who put the lady
in Palladium.
How do you handle hecklers?
That depends if they could be a bit tasty in a fracas.
What's been your worst stage
moment?
There are so few. Upstaging Roger de Courcey was a mistake
because he turned on me and I was assaulted by an irate Nookie
Bear, and also when Lionel Blair and I were drugged by
schoolchildren before opening a fete at a school in Surrey - we
were in a terrible mess as we duetted a Paula Abdul medley.
Annette Benning or Julie
Burchill?
You have got to be taking the piss. They should make the West
Pier the Julie Burchill enclosure so I don't have to risk seeing
her in the flesh.
What's your idea of a good
night out?
Seeing my show, jumping into a quality motor, listening to Tony
Newley on the way to a slap up meal for two at Big Uns Ribs and
then some late night shenanigans atop the waterbed.
How d'you like Brighton?
To be frank - it is my favourite place outside of the East
Anglian Riviera. There are a few too many hippy types who paint
plates in cafés and try to braid your hair with rabbit
droppings but you can ignore the bad points. I love the funfair
and I love the sea, so to have a waltzer on a pier is the stuff
of dreams.
copyright New Insight 2000
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